Imagination..

For the past few months since I saw you last, you've intruded my dreams.
These thoughts of you flood my mind, and though I try to swim away, you seem to catch me in your current.
I find myself wanting to break free, gasping for breathe, yet swimming further and further out to sea.
I long to feel the way I did then.
To feel your arms around me, to hear your voice, to look into your eyes.
All of these things force me to long for you.
These dreams make me sleep longer, because the thought of waking up, makes me crazy.
Yet I wonder to myself, if these thoughts are of you, as you are, or the you I want you to be.
Am I longing for this make believe version of you?
I know part of you exists.
I remember vividly the way you hand feels in mine.
The tightness in my stomach when you'd glance at me.
And the way it felt when you held me tight.
You are a gentlemen, but the rest of the you I imagine, is exactly that.... my imagination.
To flood my mind with thoughts of you and I together, would be a torment.
Because I am not stupid, and I know that these ideas are only lies.
I pray to God nearly every night for you.
Not for him to bring you to me, but that maybe you'd come to him.
I know that we will never be together,
but I do know that I love you.
Maybe not in the sense of passionate love, but as a friend, I love you.
I fear for you life after in the next, and I fear that once you're gone.... you're gone.
I miss you and I love you.
Awiison.