Love.

Love.
Something I am totally clueless about when it come down to it.
I have no concept of falling into it, being in it, or falling out of it.
Actually outside of my family, close friends, and God I do not believe I have ever been in "Love."
Throughout high school my main goal was to have a boyfriend.
I would cry and pray to God to send me someone.
When he didn't send someone, I would get over it and move on to the next guy I would cry and pray for.
I was horrible for liking guys, who I had no chance with, for months or even years.
Wasting my time on idiots or friends who were nothing more than that.
Once I graduated, I decided I needed to focus on college, and this went well my first semester.
I didn't care at all about having a boyfriend.
I didn't even think about it to tell the truth.
Then Christmas came along.
Why Christmas? I don't know.
But there is something about holidays that make me want to be loved.
And this sparks the whole "I need a boyfriend to hold my hand, hug me, cuddle with, watch movies with, etc" mindset.
So I've gone on now with no one.
And I was okay again, but then EVERYONE started getting engaged/married.
Going to weddings and not having a boyfriend really sucks because everyone looks at you and says "Oh when are you getting married?" Which I respond to with, "Well first I need to find a boy friend. That seems very important for the whole marriage process." Then I just laugh it off.
Going to disney world is also something that sparks the whole mindset even worse.
Disney world, aside from being my favorite place on earth and the place I want to get married, is one of the most romantic places ever.
Proposals happening, anniversaries being celebrated, honeymoons, weddings.
So much happiness.
I just want to share that with someone.
So my self-esteem is shot.
I hardly find a time where I am content with a given situation.
I waiting and praying for someone.

Patiently waiting,
Allison