I want to loose all this weight.
I feel like its just holding me back, and making me unhappy.
I feel self conscious all of the time, and around new people I feel like they are judging me because of my weight.
I want straighter teeth.
I feel as if people from Kentucky are stereotyped as having bad teeth.
Having gaps in my teeth make me feel like a stereotypical, hick.
I want to be a stronger Christian.
I feel like every time I get closer to God, the temptations of the world get worse.
And for some odd reason I give in.
I want to be closer to God, but for some reason I keep getting sucked back into the world.
I want to be brave.
I feel like I am constantly worrying about everything.
I fear death, college, change, commitment, driving, certain animals, the dark, ghosts and other paranormal beings, sharp objects, heights, and mostly everything else.
I want to be happy.
Every time I am remotely happy, something comes along to bring me down.
I can't sit around by myself for long or I start thinking, and everything I think about makes me sad.
I want to be smart.
Apparently I am smart, but I have no self confidence.
I feel like everything I think is right, is wrong.
Even when I end up being right.
I've always been around people smarter than me.
So I felt intimidated, and therefore would never ask questions.
So I never learned what I didn't understand right off the bat.
I want a boyfriend.
I'm tired of not feeling loved.
My family loves me, but its not the same as having a boyfriend.
I want to be hugged, kissed, and loved by someone.
I want someone to hear me sing, and give me a break.
So I can get enough money to help my family.
Because Mom and Dad work so hard as teachers, yet don't get paid enough.
I just want to give back to them.
I want to own my own recording agency.
I want people to want me to help.
I'm tired of helping and then getting screwed over.
I feel like my entire life I've done nothing but try to please others, yet getting nothing but hated and overlooked in return.
I'm tired of people using me!
Using me to help people out, then not choosing me.
Using me to make the choir look good, yet yelling at me, and choosing someone worse than me to run things.
Using me to do anything! and not giving me something in return.
I love helping people, but I hate being unappreciated for it.
I want to have drive to do these things.
I want to stop being lazy and do something with my life.
Alli you've got so much going for you. You are so smart and so talented, and such a love for God. I seen this just walking down the hallways at school and seeing you. You can always see the Love of God shining from someone.
ReplyDeleteThe problem alot of us have has nothing to do with self confidence or anything of that sort. We just dont believe. We dont have faith. That's what we need to work on. Think of how God looks at you and what HE sees. Not others. Others are dealing with the same insecurities as yourself. But if you take the time to see yourself as God sees you, you'll see someone so much different than the harsh judgments you put upon yourself. "God is love, God is peace, He is grace unending. He is life more abundant. He is strength, He is courage, He is more than we can wonder." When you get down and out, and feel these things, just remember... the only thing that matters, is what He thinks of you. He wants you happy, but not to the extent of what others think of you. WHO CARES!!!! That's what I say. I love you and I miss you greatly. I miss your family greatly as well. But girl, keep the faith and courage that you are great. Don't accept anything less. You are the one that chooses your destiny. Whatever you accept or claim is up to you. If you claim the things that are bothering you, that's what you are going to get. Claim victory, claim happiness, claim that you are perfect as you are. God don't make mistakes hun because mistakes can be fixed therefore there is an ending. We are blessed with eternal life, therefore there is no end. Be blessed and be all YOU can be. love and hugs :)
Our Deepest Fear
ReplyDeleteby Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
If we work on the weight (I need to, too) . . . your self confidence will rise. You are heading to a new place with new opportunities and new people. Embrace it. Be the best you that you can be . . . and the rest will fall into place. Once you get that killer job - in just a few short years - you can fix the teeth thing, too, if you still want to. Make a list of your goals and start checking them off, girl! No one can do it for you - it is all up to you . . and God is walking right beside you!